This past week has honestly been one of the most surreal weeks of my life. Starting last Friday, when I took a pregnancy test, and to both my husband's and my own surprise, turned out to be positive. We were both extremely shocked & overwhelmed. Throughout the weekend our shock slowly faded into excitement & anticipation, thinking how awesome God is blessing our already wonderful family. We also couldn't help the normal wonderings of whether we thought the baby would have Joe's eyes or mine, what we would name him/her, and how lucky he/she was to have the 2 best big brothers ever. We had just started telling people by Monday, and this baby was already so loved by so many.
Then Tuesday was Valentine's Day, and if anyone knows me, they know I cannot stand Valentine's Day!! I have been happily married for over 6 wonderful years now, and I still detest the day. Any day that people feel they must give gifts to prove their love to another baffles me. Joe proves his love to me and our precious boys every day of the year, which is how a family should express their love. We had just sat down to eat our romantic dinner or Papa John's pizza, when I felt something I had never felt before, so I excused myself to the bathroom, where I found I was bleeding. I screamed and instantly started crying. I knew what was happening and was helpless to stop it. I knew I was losing our newest little surprise.
Wednesday morning I took another pregnancy test, which was negative, proving that I had experienced a chemical pregnancy, where the egg was fertilized, but never implanted. In less than one week, I was pregnant & unpregnant. The range of emotions we felt in 5 days are so extreme; we went from over-joyed to a heartbreak we have never felt before.
This Valentine's Day my husband not only proved his love to me, he single-handedly carried me through the toughest loss I have ever experienced to date. He left my side only once to take our oldest son to preschool. He held me while I sobbed and was incomprehensible. He made phone calls for prayers, while I wept. He single-handedly took care of our sons while I couldn't even take care of myself. He so defined love this week, even though his heart was breaking with mine. I can never thank him enough for how strong & loving he was. He epitomized the love spoken by Paul in Ephesians 5. He put his life on pause for me. At one point he even said that he wished he could be pregnant, so I wouldn't have to feel the sting of the miscarriage. He amazes me every day.
Today I'm reminded of Psalm 30:5, "Weeping may tarry the night, but joy comes with the morning." Joy is coming our way. The Lord has promised us that, but I ask that y'all pray for us while we tarry through the night. I prayed last night that the Lord reveal His plans for this hurt in 6 months, so we can have some understanding. And I'm trusting in Him and His plans for us. Thank you all for every thought and prayer for our family. We are overwhelmed by the love poured out on us. And Joseph Clark Hensley, I love you so much, and always will!!
It is amazing how much we love our children- both born and unborn. After getting over the initial shock of pregnancy, we already love the little unborn child that we feel connected to. The love in your heart expands so much early on to deeply love that little being growing inside you. I am so sorry you miscarried. It is so hard to lose something that you already loved. I think the love that you have felt and the gratitude that you have expressed shows what kind of person you are. I also think that it makes you an awesome mother. Your kids are lucky to have you.
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